We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
