oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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