bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
