i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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