tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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