too bad you live with your parents still
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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