three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
