I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
