genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize