I want to stick my p in your. b.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
