she was so not down for the gang bang
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
