A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
