i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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