Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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