is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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