I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
