saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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