he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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