You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we're making bets on your personal life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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