u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
