I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
