Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
