Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
