i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
