Plan B is the new Plan A
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your penis caused this!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
