i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
