You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
