It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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