In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
