I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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