maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
