I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
