Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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