But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
