He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
