You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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