Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
