I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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