I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
