There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's never too late to be topless.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't turn off my feet"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
