I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
