I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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