he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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