we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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