Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
