the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
