can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
