Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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