through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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