whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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