I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
