Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
