I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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