Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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