I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
