they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize