Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize