i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
