He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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