After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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