Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
