We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
