I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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