Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
