that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
