i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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