Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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